Poem: My Circus Life

In a dry and weary land I ponder deeply what is felt

In my circus carnival of life I jump through endless hoops

The ring master cracks his whip and laughs at my fall

His pleasant smile beaming out like pearl orbs in the night

Laughing like a sane madman.  Too sane.  Far too sane.

What is this sanity of madness and crazy-logic?

Why does darkness seem to hide behind a suit and blackberry?

Why can’t I be more together like a military shoe-in?

I’ll just keep smiling.  Whistle on my way like a happy

Slave boy, dreaming of freedom.  Dreaming of that trumpet call

When my Lord shall return and wipe the steaming tears

I’ll find a mirror and laugh like a madman.

An all too sane madman.  I’ll make decisions and smile

While hearts are cut to ribbons and lives crushed

As that mirror reveals what’s all too clear in me.

My selfish love of self and all of me

My self-protection and my love of ease.

My unclean lips and silly wandering soul.

And the God who would give his all to make me whole.

This Ring-Master doesn't deserve a single grace.

All I deserve is hell multiplied by hell, cubed.

And no, no, no don’t try to console me.

Don’t try to tell me how good I am.

For you are self deceived and only see my outer smile,

While by God’s grace I see what is defiled.

And yet I see an ocean of gracious suffering

Poured out by my Savior, Lord, and King. 

So take your knapsack and move on beggar.

Until you decide to beg, go find another proud soul to pester.

And when you would quit your wandering, beg your Maker

one bread crumb from his table and give an endless thanks.

And for now this wondrous gospel fountain I will drink

Until I’m drunker than Noah after the flood

Because I’m so full of joy to celebrate

That I’ve been spared this wrath by an Ark of God.